just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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