Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
