So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
