u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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