Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
