After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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