she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
