I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
