this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They took my balls.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
