just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
