What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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