Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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