I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
