thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
nutella sex= disaster
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
