Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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