I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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