Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
