i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
