I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
