So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
