Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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