yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
