OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
