you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
