I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Ketchup is God's man juice
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
