If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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