This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
