i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
