Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
