i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
