Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
