So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
