he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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