My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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