Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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