She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
