At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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