I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
