can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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