just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
