hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
