I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
