just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
