I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
