All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
