so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
