My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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