I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
