i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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