He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
