So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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