just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
