when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize