no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
