my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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