How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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