five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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