his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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