My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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