It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up under a house in Key West
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