SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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