i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
