btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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