there's paper in my vomit.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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