It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
