Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
