dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
