I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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