that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize