bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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