You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
whose parrot is this?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
