i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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