Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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