It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
