We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
